crossroads

Have I mentioned I'm a sugar addict?  Cuz I'm a sugar addict.  And it's annoying that I can't simply let that sweet granulated white stuff BE, and not shove it in my mouth, CONSTANTLY.   I need to concentrate on good habits, get to get to the gym, eat right, sleep a normal amount of time instead of the gazillion hours of sleep I get a night now.  It's so easy to say I'm going to do all of these things, It's much harder to implement them.  It's too easy to eat junk and stay home from the gym. 

Dear Me, Stop being so freaking LAZY!

Love,
Mango Kitty

P.R.'s

^tired and sweaty after today's workout!^

The gym went really well today,  I got a bunch of personal records, including breaking a 200lbs leg press!  Yeah buddy!

Unfortunately the scale is still not moving, even though I can tell cloths are starting to fit me better and I feel much more in control of my body it's discouraging to see the scale remain stagnant.   I know that how I feel is much more important than the scale, But I just can't get over it.  I'm so tired of being obese, of being ashamed of my size and weight, of living a plus sized life.  With time and consistent effort I'll get there.  I'll be strong, healthy, and proud of my body.  In the meanwhile I'll have to remind myself how far I have come...

 These pants used to be tight, now they literally fall off without a belt! Keep the faith!

Love,

Mango Kitty

September Check in

And then we find ourselves in September.  What?!?  When did that happen???  I'm about this impressed.

Anyhoo, It's the first of September today, that means check in, here are my stats:

Weight: 116.3kg (from 117)

Neck: 36cm (from 36m)

Upper arm: 44cm
Chest: 106cm (from 106cm)
Waist: 101cm (from 106cm)
Hips: 134cm (from 135cm)
Thigh: 77cm (from 78cm)

Body Fat%: 53.6% (from 55.9%) (WOOHOO!)

BMI: 41.21 (from 41.45)

So while it's going slowly, it IS going!  That's the most important thing, that the numbers keep moving down.  I am re-vamping my eating this month and hope to see an acceleration in loss, while continuing to regularly go to the gym.  Here are some progress pics.

 How is it even possible to have as much hips as I do?  Madness...  Oh well, I'd rather have big hips because it means I'm going to have an hourglass figure when I'm at a healthy weight, but right now it looks like I've got pillows hidden under my freakin pants. 

I'm not going to the gym today, because I had a stomach bug yesterday and puked like craaaazy.  I feel much better today but I don't want to risk it.  So it's a rest day for me.  Horrah horray :/

Time to curl up on the couch and watch old UFC with my Viking.

Love,

Mango Kitty

LCHF

I need a serious diet make over.  I'm going with LCHF, I've done it before and lost 10kg, many cm's, body fat% and felt great.  Then I started slacking and it slid out of control. But I've decided to get back into it.  And I know it will work.  Plus I have a LCHF buddy to help me!  I'm going to her place on Friday so we can go threw the details of our awesomeness.

LCHF is quite simple, you cut out white stuff, sugar, flower, potatoes, rice, and processed grains.  You eat lots of vegetables and protein, and drink lots of water.  You avoid processed "low fat" foods, as they have added sugar in them, and you eat "real" butter, cream, oils, and nuts.  Fruit is candy, frozen raspberries and whipped cream is ice cream, and unsalted nuts are potato chips.

The gym is going good,  I'm slowly getting over my insecurity there and am growing more confident in my workouts.  Next week I hope to start swimming as well as lifting and walking.

I'm really looking forward to being in the best shape of my life!  Check in is Sunday, It won't be pretty, but it'll be a needed kick in the ass! Go Go Miss Mango!

Love,
Mango Kitty

Trainer

So today was the first gym day in like, 2 weeks.  (usch.)  But it was a special gym day because I met with a trainer!  She built me a plan combining cardio and weight lifting to do three times a week, supplemented with swimming twice a week.  I'm super motivated now, she was great, really encouraging and upbeat (but not annoyingly so) and in two months she's going to build me a new plan so I don't get stagnant.

I still don't have food under control, but I'm working on it.  It's not going to get better until I MAKE it get better.  Screw binge eating/comfort eating/stress eating.  How does it help me?  Answer:  It DOES NOT.  So why do it?  Habit/laziness/self sabotage.  For a while there I said to myself, "I can eat what I want right now because I'm quitting smoking"  Which would have been fine, except that I didn't succeed at quiting smoking.  So I've eaten crap, inhaled poison, and not gone to the gym.  Way to go Mango, way to go.

I weighed myself today, the damage is bad.  Really bad.  So bad that I'm not ready to post it here.  I will post my monthly check in on September 1st though, regardless of what the scale says, because that's my promise to myself and I'll be damned if I don't follow threw with this.  But for the next week and a half it's lots of water, healthy eating, and going to the gym, and we'll see if I can neutralize this weight gain.

Remember when I said I was back on track?  Yeah... that... I would say that I mean it this time, but what weight does that statement hold now?  Only one thing to do.  FUCKING DO IT.

BRING ON HEALTH MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Mango Kitty

Brain Freeze

Miss Mango has been eating too much ice cream....





Seriously, It's like I'm addicted or something.  Sweet sweet creamy ice creamy goodness... No, NOT GOODNESS!  EVILNESS! ::sigh:: who am I kidding.  I love the stuff.

Now that summer vacation is over and I'm more busy I'm having trouble motivating myself to eat healthy and work out.  We live so close to the store that I can just walk down and buy whatever I'm craving.  (Which is unfortunately almost always something unhealthy)  And by the time I remember to go to the gym, I'm already in my pj's and ready for bed.  I be needing a serious kick in the shorts.  Hopefully I'll get it on Wednesday!

I've scheduled a time with a trainer at the gym! I'm hoping she will build me a challenging yet realistic weight lifting program that will kick my butt back in gear, which I will complement with swimming once the pool opens up again on August 25th.

I've been gaining weight, because I have been eating crap and not exercising.  No excuses, that's the way it is.  But it isn't ok.  I need to get healthy.  I NEED TO GET HEALTHY!  And I'm the only one who can take me there.  So that's that.  Decided.  I'm officially back on track.  Yay me!
Hopefully there's time to save this month from serious weight gain at Septembers check in.  GO GO MISS MANGO!!!

Love,
Mango Kitty

Bad Mango

So...  I haven't been to the gym at all this week.  Not once.  Bad Mango!  BAD!

But I'm rationalizing it like this, I've had a TUN of pain, and I've been busy busy.  Yes it's true that if I have time to sit on facebook, I have time to go to the gym.  It's just the energy and strength to complete a decent workout that has been lacking.  I have been walking every day, which is good.  So it's not like I've been completely sedentary (<is that the word I want here?)  I figure I'll give myself the weekend off as well, and then dive head first into it on Monday.  ::flexes::

I think this is an excellent plan for two reason:

1.)Monday is the international day for starting things
2.)The gyms trainer comes back from vacation Monday so I'll be able to set up a training session with her to build a personal workout plan.  ::flexes again::

In other news I RAN yesterday!  I went to take a dog I train for our walk, and it was PISS raining, so after he did his business, I said screw this we're heading back.  But I knew he still needed to burn some energy, so we RAN the whole way home!!!!!!  I'm super proud of myself.  But I felt it, oh man did I feel it.

I do not have a runners body.  Even when I was a teenager and played lots of sports, I didn't have a runners body.  I could blame it on my exercise induced asthma, or I can simply except that not everyone is a runner, some people do better lifting heavy things and pushing heavy things and generally being a beast, as apposed to a gazelle.  I, my friends, and a BEAST!
Love,
Mango Kitty

Boozecat

^Looking pretty good for the morning after a party that lasted till 6am huh?
I like going to parties, I enjoy drinking, laughing, singing, dancing, and generally having fun.

However...

When I drink, I smoke and eat crap.  And it triggers my fibromyalgia so that for DAYS after a party I am exhausted and in tuns of pain.  In the moment, totally worth it.  But in the long run?  Not so much.

So I'm taking a break from drinking, a 30 day break for now, we'll see at the end of 30 days if I'll keep it going or not.

I was planning on going to the gym today, but I'm still in so much pain from Saturdays party that there is no way.  I'll focus on good eating and taking it easy so I can do what I have planned for the rest of the week. 

I can't half ass being healthy.  If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right and go all the way.  Commitment people!  Lets get those gainz!!!

Love,
Mango Kitty

August Check In

So there I was, standing in my bathroom, facing the scale.  Oh how I hate that scale.  I stepped on, I held my breath, and you know what it told me?  I fucking GAINED weight.  Yup, you read that right.  I thought for sure that I wouldn't be making this post, that I would just "wait for it to go down again" and then start there.  But this is my accountability blog.  And I'm going to do what I said I would do.  So here it is.

Weight: 117.0kg

The crazy thing is, that even though I gained 2.4kg, I LOST 2 centimeters!  (ok so it's not much, but it is enough to restore my faith in the process)

Neck: 36cm (from 36m)
Chest: 106cm (from 106cm)
Waist: 106cm (from 107cm)(yea, my belly's the same size of my boobs.w00tNOT)
Hips: 135cm (from 136cm)
Thigh: 78cm (from 78cm)

My BMI is 41.45.  Scary stuff.

But the really exciting thing, is that my Body Fat % is down from 56.7% to 55.9%  even though I gained weight, I lost fat.  Which is essentially my goal threw all of this.  So while today the scale is not my friend, I still consider it a victory.

Also let it be said that it isn't really surprising that I've gained some weight with the way I have been eating this past month.  Yes I've started working out which is great, but they say it's 80% diet 20% exercise.  So I need to get my food intake on track, STAT!  This month will be better.  I've decided. :)

Love,
Mango Kitty

Mobility-Shmility

So in my last post I mentioned that I've had some issues with mobility.  I figured I'd go into it in some more detail today.

It started a bit over three years ago if I remember right (but keeping track of time is something I have never excelled in)  I started falling down.  At first a few times a week, and I thought, "Man I am really getting clumsy" and would laugh it off.  But then it started happening every day.  Then multiple times a day.  Then up to 12 or 13 times a day.  The weird thing was that I wouldn't get light headed, or feel weak before it happened, there would literally be no warning.  My legs would just collapse and I would fall.  I fell in the shower, I fell down stairs, I fell in the street, it didn't matter where I was.  I'm just really lucky I didn't break something or get hit by a car (bruises scrapes and bumps I had a plenty though!)  It got to the point that for my own safety they put me in a wheelchair while they tried to figure out what was going on, I became affectionately known as a "medical mystery"

They did tests,

And theorized that it could possibly be a rare strain of Epilepsy, so I started on meds and got to wear a fancy bracelet.

But I kept falling, and they couldn't explain why.  I stayed in that chair for too long, I hated it.  I told a nurse, "I don't want to feel handicap"  she replied, "But hunny, you ARE handicap!"  That was it.  THAT was the moment.

I created a new mantra for myself, "I am strong, and I CAN WALK!"  I said it over and over and over day in and day out.  I switched from a wheelchair to a walker (I was pimping granny style) and used that for a long time.  I was walking with help, but I was also still falling.  I kept up with my mantra and started working with a physical therapist.  My legs slowly started to get stronger, and I started to fall less.  Eventually I was strong enough where I could switch to a crutch (a.k.a. my "wacking stick").  I used the crutch for about a year, and continued to fall less and less.  Then one day, I stopped falling.
Soon after I retired my wacking stick.

Eventually they pulled me off of the epilepsy medication, when after much back and forth they decided I didn't actually have the disease. I continued not to fall.  The Dr's basically said, "Huh, that's weird that you fell like that for so long and have now stopped falling.  But good that you've stopped falling!  So.... yea... as long as there's nothing else, have a good life!"  And I haven't heard from them sense.  As I said, medical mystery.

But the important thing is that it's been almost 7 months sense I fell, and I'm completely off of all Epilepsy medication.  I  have full mobility, I walk several kilometers every day, Work out at a gym, I can even run now!  (short short distances, but it's something)  The only thing that holds me back now is unrelated Fibromyalgia pains.

So there it is, the rant of why I was in a wheelchair.

Yea.

Love,
Mango Kitty

I'm Not Preggo!!!!!! X(

So yesterday I got hit with a major blow to my self esteem.  I went to the grocery store to get some cat food, veggies, meat, all that good kind of stuff.  As I was leaving a man asked me if he could carry my grocery bags to the car for me.  I said "No thanks, I'm walking."  He then replied, "Should you really carry all of those groceries home when you're so pregnant?"  THA FUCK???

Needless to say I cried the whole way home and for a good period of time after as well.  I don't think I look pregnant, and everyone I've told has said that THEY don't think I look pregnant.  So either this guy was delusional, or just being a dick.  Regardless it hurt my feelings and shook my confidence.  But you know what?  Screw him.  And screw all the other people who have asked if I'm pregnant.  (because there's been a few!)  I've accomplished a lot.  A lot more than other people have.  Yes I'm still overweight, but I'm working on it.  And Yes I still have some problems with mobility but I'm not in a fucking wheelchair anymore, so they can kiss my dimply ass!!!

I AM MANGO KITTY!!!  HEAR ME RAWR!!!!!!!!

few, got that out of my system!  Anyhoo I feel a lot better about the whole situation today,  just have to remind myself about how far I've come and try not to let it get me down!

Onward to awesome!

Love,
Mango Kitty

Rewards!

Ok so Cookies may not be the smartest reward for exercising, but the concept is spot on.  Here is my list of weight loss rewards!

113kg - New Nail Polish
110kg - Flowers
107kg - Guitar Sheet Music
105kg - New makeup
103kg - Spa Night
99kg - PAAAARTY!!!!
97kg - Clothes shopping
95kg - New Tea
93kg - Go to the movies
90kg - Jewelry
87kg - Out to Dinner
85kg - Piano Sheet Music
83kg -  Get my hair cut by someone who actually  knows what they're doing!
80kg - Clothes Shopping
77kg - Spa Night
75kg - GOAL!  NEW TATTOO!!!

Yea it's a long list, but I still have A LOT of weight to loose, and with consistency the list will get shorter and shorter till POOF!  gone! Ah what a lovely day that will be.

Now I must shower, worked out my upper body today at the gym and I'm sweeeeaaattyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! Yuck!

Love,
Mango Kitty

Everyone Starts somewhere

I am chronically intimidated by people at the gym.  If there are more than 5 people there at a time (mind you I go to a VERY small gym) I get panicky.  I start thinking, "I can't do this, I look like a fool, they're in such good shape, they must be laughing at me".  But then I stop and remind myself that they didn't START OUT being in great shape.  They had to work for it.  Just like I'm working for it.  And the fact that I'm sitting here, grunting and sweating while I kick my own ass is awesome.  And anyone who can't see that is stupid.  (Very mature thinking, I know)

Right now I'm lifting 3 days a week, and am actually starting to enjoy it.  Even look forward to it!  (which is something I never EVER thought I would say)  I'm waiting for the pool to open again (August 25th) so I can increase my workouts to alternating between lifting and swimming 5 days a week, and give myself the weekends off.  Swimming is great, because it's the one form of exercise I can do that doesn't cause me pain.  Plus it will be good for me to practice, sense I'm an awkward swimmer. (I had a friend try to teach me the "correct" breast stroke once.  She said "put your hands together like you're praying".  I did, and I sank.)

Exercising has started becoming a habit, which is great, but my eating has been sub-par. So I'm trying out "MyFitnessPal". 

You log all your food and it calculates calories, protein, fat, carbs, all that good stuff for you.  I've spent this first week eating like normal and just logging everything as I go.  Man do I need to be more conscious about what I put in my mouth! 

3 more days till check in!

Love,
Mango Kitty

Welcome!

The concept isn't new, the idea of someone being overweight almost all their lives is not shocking anymore.  Depressing, yes. Shocking, no.

I created this blog as a way for ME to be accountable, consistent, and HONEST as I start on the journey of me getting healthy.

Some basics about me:

I am 2 days and 28 years old.
I am a smoker of 12 years.
I am morbidly obese at 114.6kg
I have a body fat % of over 56%.
I have fibromyalgia.
I am Gluten and Lactose intolerant.
I am a suger-holic.
I have lost 10kg.

On the first of every month, I will be doing a complete "check in" including weight, measurements, body fat % and BMI.  I will also be including video and picture updates of my progress.

If anyone is interested in following my workouts, feel free to check me out on www.Fitocracy.com My profile name is (surprise surprise: MangoKitty)
(Fitocracy is actually the best website I've ever found EVER.  If your interested in fitness, check this place out!  They have an app too!)

I'm excited this journey, I'm excited about being HEALTHY!  About feeling GOOD IN MY SKIN!  About being PROUD when I see myself in pictures, instead of wishing I had hidden from the camera!  I am going to be a Mango Warrior.  NOTHING WILL STOP MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Love,
Mango Kitty